Oh what a night

So what happens when you start drinking at 11 am in preparation for the biggest football game of the year? Great question, I don't remember. I hit the sauce hard yesterday and I am paying for it today. I had to spend the night over at a friends because I was pass-out wasted. Well, to be honest with you, I was too shit-faced to find/look for my keys (which is a very good thing). I consumed roughly 20-25 beers and 5+ shots of random Polish concoctions, aka FUCKIN' POISON ! I woke up this morning after my nap at 6:30 to my friend getting ready to go to work. We work together so it would seem logical to get up and get ready to go. I said, FUCK THAT and went back to sleep and woke up at 7:45 (I start at 8:30) to prepare for my 1 hour + drive. Since I was feeling like shit and was still wasted I forgot about all things hygienic. I skipped the shower (I didn't shower Sunday either, so I smell like burnt pubs), I forgot my toothbrush in the car so I put the toothpaste on the finger (who hasn't done that?), and didn't go to the bathroom (foreshadowing). So as I was driving I realized that I was not in the mood to deal with anything, so I called my buddy and told him I wasn't coming in because of the reasons listed above. He wasn't having any of this and made me come to work. So I was driving on the highway and traffic was surprisingly light. As I was driving I had this sharp pain in my stomach and all I can compare it to was getting stabbed by a butter knife (don't ask how I know how that feels). It was...the BEER SHITS !! I was zipping around cars like I was 16 years old again. I pulled into the Burger King (has nicer bathrooms that most McD's because less people go there) and ran into stall. I barely had time to pull my pants down before the exposition occurred. It was the standard I-drank-too-much-and-now-I-have-diarrhea shit. With the furry of 10 thousand fat chicks going after the last chocolate covered, peanut butter, fudge brownie the turds hit the water causing the splash-back to wet my ass as if I just ran a marathon. Once the storm had settled I was sitting on the bowl left with no energy to wipe my ass I made the decision to not wipe and just go...Are you kidding me? Of course I didn't do that. I still had some of the water that splashed on my ass and tell you the truth I am glad it did because it made the wiping process a lot more smooth. As I picked up my pants and began to head out I felt obliged to buy something considering I just lit up the bathroom. So I got myself 2 ham and cheese samwitches with some hash browns. I must say, I like BK breakfast more than any other fast food breakfast. (That should be a survey) So as I walked out a brand new man I realized that I had to shit again. I walked gingerly back into the BK and released some more of the demons. Needless to say, I am at work and I have taken 2 more shits here, I am leaving early because I cant take this shit (pun intended). Did the Patriots win? This was the Braunski and I'm peacin' out ! L8r Nugz !