Saved by the Soulja Boy

Isn't YouTube great?

Thanks Peyton

A little advice from possibly the best quarterback ever...Thanks for the talk Peyton

Carl Says Goodbye to Joe

Another Muckin Funday

Today's post is later today due to it being Monday. For a recap, in case you missed it, Illinois beat #1 in the country Ohio State. I celebrated the Illini shitting on the Buckeyes by doing just that. I must have pooped a total of 8 times on Sunday. And this is without diaherreah like symptoms, it was fairly solid throughout. The most impressive one took place at the Assembly Hall, about 3 minutes into the 2nd half of the basketball game. It exited the body quickly and got me kind of excited, because it felt like my favorite type of shit; the day-after-beer popcorn shrimp shit. Much to my dismay though, there were no shrimp, just some rank semi-solid oddly shaped turds. I was happy to see, during my 10 minute or so trip to the Assembly Hall stall, they broadcast the radio coverage of the game in the bathroom, so I was able to keep track of the game while making a deposit. And a tip to all of you budding beer drinkers: If your getting up fairly early from a night of drinking, make sure the first thing you put into your body after waking is beer. It's like a cup of coffee, but tastes so much better.

Much to my surprise, I did in fact have to poop today after emptying myself Yesterday, but it was nothing special.

How exciting, the Niners are on MNF. Too bad they blow this year. At least Prison Break is on.

Have the Bulls traded for Kobe yet? And while we are on the subject of great Chicago basketball players, MJ's son actually got a few minutes of playing time, and did nothing to embarrass himself.

Friday

It's Friday. The work week will soon be over, and the fun will begin. The Bulls actually won last night, so they were able to get at least one win before the Circus comes to town. Tyrus Thomas is still flirting with the idea of becoming a beast. And I still want Kobe. While pooping today I was thinking, a thought that I have wondered for awhile now, how did the pig corner the breakfast meat market? Bacon, Sausage, & Ham, the three main breakfast meats. I guess you could argue that the cow produces dairy products, such as milk and cheese, and the Chicken delivers the much needed egg, but those are just byproducts. This is why I could never be Jewish or Islamic, and why those religions can't be right. The pig is the most universally eaten animal. Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner, all can be supplied from one animal. And it's delicious. What can you add to pretty much any sandwich to increase its deliciousness? Yeah, BACON. If God really didn't want us to eat any pork, because it's a dirty animal, why did he make it so frickin' yummy? The answer...eat pork.

Moving on the the weekend's forecast. Illinois plays OSU tomorrow at 2:30 on ABC. I could care less if they win. The fact that I can actually, realistically, hope they win, plus the fact that they are already guaranteed a bowl game, plus the fact that I can watch the game and it's not on the gay Big Ten Network, gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. I think it's going to be a close game and they have a chance to pull off an upset. Will I lose sleep if they lose, no. Will I drink like it's the superbowl if they win, yes. And then on Sunday I will be going to the Illinois basketball game where they will play a team that they might actually beat. So I will be able to say that I was in attendance for 1 of the few Illini Basketball victories this year.

As far as the NFL goes Sunday, not sure who the Bears play, but they will probably lose. They suck this year. My Niners suck this year. And the Pats are probably going to make me hate the state of Massachusetts even more than I already do when they win the Superbowl. The only thing I have to look forward to for the rest of the season is the MNF game in Minneapolis that I"m going to, to probably watch Adrian Peterson set a new rushing record, but I will have enough booze in me to help ease the pain. That and the SB. Party in the Chi again this year Braunski?

To wrap it all up, a few man rules that I have stolen from various Internet sources to remember for the rest of the year:

- Under No circumstance should two men share an umbrella
- A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight
- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or slice of pizza, but not both
- Moaning about the brand of free beer in the fridge is forbidden. Temperature complaints are acceptable
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed by his buddies
- Lastly, never should a man ever use "LOL" for anything. It is just as easy to type haha. LOL is as gay as Halsted in Chicago.

Keep it real this weekend, and if anything exciting or funny happens, let us know and we'll give you some print.

The Northern Daily Deuce Sports Report

"Time for your Northern Daily Deuce Sports Report brought to you by Tough Actin' Tinactin...shit if John Madden says it works, you know it does."

After a lengthy day hold out #2 finally showed up to work today. He looked a little soft and looked quite dark as if he was on vacation during his holdout. After a few anal muscle contractions #2 was spent, having nothing left to give. Hopefully, in the next couple of days #2 will firm up and be back in shape.

This was DJ Braunski reppin' the Northern Daily Deuce !"

The Southern Deuce Report

After losing sleep last night, like a 16 yr old girl who's missed her period, my poop hiatus is now over. It was all there, from bellowing moose mating calls to clean-break picture-perfect turds, a wonderful experience. It's rare that I go a day without my special alone time, so it was frustrating. But now it would appear that all is well, and the daily reports can resume.